hmm

ok it's been over ten days since my last entry. i am finding it harder and harder to muster up the brain power to write here, but perhaps it is the way i have been writing here that is putting me off, requiring thought and planning and revising what i say. perhaps a fairly unfiltered stream is better, at least to keep me doing this.

i think i started doing this with the vague intention of getting my brain to start thinking more about putting words together with the vague end goal of writing something more substantial perhaps at some later point. i do find in a similar way to writing down one's dreams one starts to remember more and more, so too writing each day one tends to notice more and more. and this seems like a good thing i think, especially for someone like me who is often ruminating. i think writing can help enrich my life in some ways. i don't find thinking about writing per se particularly different to thinking about making things in other mediums, it just so happens that here the material is words... and words are everywhere. our lives and realities are made of words. words help us see. 

or whatever.

maybe this whole thing should be more like a journal. at least that format is more straight forward.

here are some thoughts or recollections from the past few days in the order they occur to me:

- Maleny is beautiful, or rather the house where bec's parents live in Maleny is beautiful, or rather to be more accurate their house on the outskirts of the town Maleny possibly falling under the jurisdiction of an adjoining suburb (Witta), is beautiful. and not so much the house per se (altho it is very nice) but the location, the view, the sunrise and sunset and valley and chanting insects, twittering birds, the teeming life and death and decay of the subtropical environment stretching from the porch to the hills on the horizon, is beautiful.

i often find it silly to make general statements about a place or the people in it, so much depends on the specifics, who they are and where exactly they are.

Xmas there was nice. good spread of food. good company. it was funny observing my own interaction as an adult with the kids (of 5 and 3 and 2). it's funny because i feel in the same way people can loosely believe a dog can be a good judge of a person's 'true character' so too do we think this about children 'they're so pure' and honest. so interacting with them i found myself wanting to be accepted by them so i am not viewed as some kind of weirdo social pariah. at the same time tho i dont want to be too friendly with them either because i want them to leave me alone. i dont want to really get roped into whatever bullshit they are up to.

 a lot more happenend over the last ten days but hell, i am tired now. maybe i will write more about it some other time (but dont hold your breath).